Why I Love My Husband More Than My Kids

By Sabrina Schlesinger

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If there were a 6th love language, teasing would be my husband’s. He loves to tell our kids, “Mom loves me more than she loves you” all of the time. They turn to me (as they often do to get the “real” answer) to see if what he is saying is true, in which I confirm, “Yep! I love daddy more than I love you!”

At first glance this seems odd, but in every one of my kids, this simple practice has created three realities in them.

1.    It creates peace

Don’t get me wrong…we fight. We are two strong personalities who have big thoughts and opinions, which can lead to “intense fellowship”. But when we have heated conversations, one thing my kids don’t ever have to worry about is if their parents’ marriage is over. They have seen us get in tiffs and more importantly, they have seen us humble ourselves and make up. They know that even though we can get mad at each other, our love and commitment to each other wins every time.

2.    It builds order

We have all heard the term “empty nest syndrome,” when the kids leave home and you look at your spouse and have to reintroduce yourself to them. The National Center for Family and Marriage Research has indicated that couples age 50 or older were twice as likely to divorce in 2015 as in 1990. How sad is it if during the 18+ years of child rearing, our marriage takes a back seat. And even more so, what does that communicate to our kids? I want them to know that although they are a HUGE part of our world, they are not the center of our world. Our marriage and our life doesn’t revolve around them.

I was his…first! And he was mine. We chose each other to dream together, to raise kids together, to serve the Lord together, and to grow old together. And after these little kids of ours–who were temporarily entrusted to us by God–leave the nest, we will still be with each other.

3.    It models honor

In a day where honor and respect are fading into the background, I want to model this for my kids. I am not a pushover, nor am I a feminist. I am a woman and I love the unique role I play in my marriage, my family, my church, and society. If I spent all of my time trying to be equal to my husband, I would be wasting the very gifts and treasures I bring to this world. When I honor my husband by making him my number one priority (apart from God), and he honors me in the same way, we show our sons and daughters that marriage is one of the most powerful ways to understand and demonstrate the love of Christ. 

Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,” (NKJV)

I have noticed there is an inherent reaction within children when they sense this love is out of order. It can either cause them to internally (and sometimes externally) reject that love from their parent, or they will grow up thinking everything revolves around them. Both of which are unhealthy ways to live.


Every time my kids hear that I love my husband more than them, they giggle and smile. In a world of brokenness, we have an opportunity to get this one right. So brag away to your kids about how much you love each other and see the healing and freedom that will take place in their hearts.

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33 (NKJV)

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31 (NKJV)

Sabrina is a mother to three biological girls and one adopted boy. She is also a pastor’s wife, freelance graphic designer and mom coach! She resides in beautiful San Diego where the sun shines every day. She prefers chai lattes over coffee, mac-n-cheese over vegetables, and staying in over going out. Check her out on Instagram and Facebook!


Sabrina Schlesinger

I am officially middle-aged! I have gone up the hill and am now SLOWLY going down the other side.

I am married to my best friend! No really! Our first 10 months of dating were spent entirely in group settings, either working along side each other in ministry or at our families homes. We never had alone time. We never held hands. We never kissed. So we had a great amount of time to talk and really get to know each other. We read books, received counsel from our pastors, discussed our strengths and weaknesses in front of our parents, and built a foundation of friendship that I am forever grateful for. And let me tell you...when we did have our first kiss 10 months in....there were fireworks baby!!!! We are approaching our 17th anniversary and co-pastor Grace Church in Oceanside, CA. We are living out or dream and calling side by side.

I am a mom of 4. We have three girls and a boy.

When we gave birth to my first girl, Sophie (now 16), we thought we were amazing parents. She slept through the night, hardly every fussed, was beautiful and easy. First child syndrome...I know.

When I gave birth to Mattie (now 14) nearly two years later everything changed. She was colicky from the start, she had red raspberries on her face that turned BRIGHT RED when she screamed...so that was all the time, and as she grew, it didn't get any better. I seriously thought at one point she was demon possessed because her outrageous fits where over the top. I could often be found in a fetal position crying when Matthew, my husband came home. Little did I know then that Mattie and her over-the-top fits would be the catalyst for so many future ministry moments with other moms in desperate need of help and advice on raising toddlers...who too were crazy!

We thought we were done. After Mattie I was like, "No way, I can't risk having another kid like that! The only way I will get pregnant again is if God speaks to me directly, and I don't think He is planning that." Welp....I was wrong. I heard God speak to me one night as I was at a conference that we were to have a third child and He spoke some very special promises to me about this child. So out popped Lillian (aka Lily - now 11).

Lily wass one of those babies that everyone gravitated too. She had and still does have a spirit about her that is so welcoming, loving, and kind. People just love her and she loves people. I am so glad I obeyed the Lord on this one. After Lily we felt done. This time Matthew said, "If we are supposed to have any more children, God is going to have to speak to me directly." Fast forward 9 years!

In August of 2016 we were on a much needed family vacation, the five of us. It was at this time that God whispered in the ear of my husband that we were to adopt a child from our county. Matthew told me what God said and of course, I said, "Let's do it!" I will write another post about our adoption story later, but November 1st, 2017, at age 4 1/2, Shawn (now 6) came into our home and became our son.

I am a freelance graphic designer by trade and a pastor by calling, but I felt like there was something more I should be doing. Recently I asked myself a question..."What brings me life?" It was easy for me to answer. I LOVE helping young moms navigate through motherhood. I love giving advice to help moms get through tough and trying seasons of life. There is a generation of moms out there who have broken relationships with their own mothers and feel like they have no one to turn to. That breaks my heart. No mom should have to go through life alone with nobody to lean on. And this is where Mom Mentor was birthed.

So that is me in a nutshell. I am pretty simple, not high maintenance, a lover of mac-and-cheese and chai lattes, and slightly obsessed with all things dystopian. I am glad to have met you and I look forward to our journey together!

Love & Blessings,