I waited for the doctor to place my baby in my arms, but they snatched him and ran to another room. Then they rolled me into post-op while my husband changed out of his scrubs. Sometime later, a guy in a white coat strolled in the lonely room and said a blur of words: "hole—diaphragm—can’t breath—may not live—will know more later." After carrying my little human inside for nine months, my arms and womb lay barren.
My heart buckled in agitated sorrow. God’s goodness and plan dented with fear and disappointment.
Will my son live? What's going on?
The heat of possibly losing my son melted me into the arms of God, even though I wanted to blame Him. “Dear, God! Please save my son! Dear, God! Please save my son.”
Three days later (after I could walk) I was able to visit my baby. I sat at the boxed-in bed at the hospital they transferred him to as he writhed in pain and silently cried with tubes down his throat.
I just wanted to hold him.
Dear God, please save my son. Dear God, please save my son.
The nurses and doctor explained to us the severity of the situation. His intestines were pushed into his lung cavity. Some babies with a diaphragmatic hernia die even before an attempt at surgery—they threw all sorts of negative possibilities at us.
I praise God he survived and gained enough strength for surgery. The day we walked in to pre-op the attending nurse introduced herself. "My name is Grace. I will be with your son in surgery today." How fitting. We needed grace.
We walked with Kavin down to the operating room and placed our boy in the hands of Grace. Family and a few friends joined us in the waiting room. We prayed, talked about nonsense just to talk. And waited. And waited. And waited.
Hours later his medical team walked into the waiting area and told us He survived.
I still cry—with gratitude and with pain—my baby lived his first month of life behind a plastic box, alone and suffering.
In our darkest hours, God carried us.
3 Ways God Carried Me When My Son Almost Died
1. God carried me through His Word and prayer
Jason (hubs) and I ran to the scriptures for truth and comfort. We held onto who God is. The hope we have in the gospel literally sustained me. One moment I begged for Kavin's life. The next moment, I surrendered to God's will—over and over—only possible because of the truth found in God's Word.
2. God carried me through signs of His presence
God constantly sent us little signposts along the way. When we are in trials, we can see God providing if we just ask and keep our eyes open. Here are some ways we saw Him helping us:
The NICU transport nurse is friends with my mentor and read a text message to pray for baby Kavin WHILE SHE WAS TRANSPORTING HIM!
God provided a way for us to stay a few short blocks away from the hospital almost the whole month Kavin healed there.
We received a free parking pass for the hospital that saved us hundreds of dollars in fees.
The nurse attending Kavin the day of his surgery was named Grace.
3. God carried me through encouragement of others
A testimony. I overheard a lady in the waiting room talk about her grandchild who was born with a hole in his diaphragm. She testified to me how he is okay and growing just fine years later; and that Jesus Christ sustained his life.
Community. Friends and family poured in to show support and help us financially. Some showed up with coffee and words of love at the hospital and others scrubbed my kitchen floors!
Prayer. A friend set up a Facebook prayer page and we received hundreds of posts.
We All Will Face Trials.
Following Christ does not save us from trouble, but secures us to be able to endure all things with hope, peace, and comfort. He told us, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) We still have to walk through the fire, but just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, He is right there with us in the midst of the heat (Daniel 3).
Are you facing a difficult season?
Seek the Lord through His Word and prayer. Lay it all out. He is big enough for all your fears, worries, and thoughts. He loves you.
Watch for signs of His presence. He may not show up as a lightning bolt, but He is working on your behalf. Sometimes it's through the simple cooked meal from a friend, a song that pops up on the radio, or a nurse named Grace.
Accept the encouragement from others. Asking for help and receiving help from others can be hard. But it is one of the ways God carries us through trials.
Seana Scott is a mom of 3 and a pastor’s wife. She is finishing up her master’s degree from Dallas Theological Seminary and is passionate about encouraging women to grow in their relationships with Jesus and in studying God’s Word. If she is not in the middle of mothering her kids or housework, she is hiking, writing, or entrenched in a creative pursuit (which changes depending on her current artistic obsession). You can connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or on her blog.