The Heart of the Matter

By Lisa Hamel

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It’s the month of love. There’s a lot of pressure this time of year to have the perfect romantic experience. As mom’s, we often feel like we have nothing left to give and aren’t receiving much from our tired husbands as well. Or maybe you’re a single mom and are pulled in so many directions that your heart feels numb. Underneath it all, I’ve never met a woman who didn’t want to be loved, who didn’t want to feel cherished. 

Many of us have offered ourselves to lesser people or futile things trying to catch a glimpse of love. Movies, TV, and countless stories are filled with women offering their hearts to feel special, to be desired, known, loved. These longings are God-given.

What if I told you that I had the perfect man for you? 

He’s rich. 

He’s strong. 

He listens. 

He wants to hold your hand. 

He gives incredible gifts. 

He’s forgiving. 

He would lay down his life for you. 

He would take care of you. 

He is wise and protective and would think of you constantly. 

He’s sensitive. 

He would never stop delighting in you.

He would fulfill your truest desires… 

Would you be interested? Who wouldn’t?! 

And this is the heart of the matter. Whether you are married or single, longings don’t change just because you’re a mom! Sometimes they even increase in the day-in and day- out of what often feels like an un-cherished existence. These longings transcend age and marital status.

God is the great Lover of our souls and we look in so many other places to fill this God-created need to be loved and known as only He can love and know us. 

Before I go any further, let me say that I have a very happy marriage to a man I greatly admire, respect, and love. We have a great love story and a beautiful relationship. But even the happiest marriages cannot fill this God-created need to know and truly have a relationship with the Lover of our souls. The best, most romantic relationship will never be enough. Your husband will never be able to satisfy you completely because you weren’t made for your husband. You were made for God! Marriage here on earth is God’s idea and it’s a wonderful thing, but it should echo His love for His bride, not replace it.

You see, the first lie in the Garden of Eden was that God was withholding. The serpent convinced Eve that God wasn’t giving her everything she needed to be fulfilled. That God wasn’t really good.

But Jesus is not keeping us from what we really want, need, or long for. He is all of those things. He is the end by which all other tastes of love are only that . . . tastes.

This Valentine’s Day, if you are putting all your hope in the marriage “treasure chest” of this life, you are missing out on some of the greatest riches…..

The next time our hearts ache from temptation, from being alone, or struggle with a lack of interest from our husbands, may it drive us to Jesus. Don’t just think of what you’re missing. Use those feeling to draw near to Jesus. Take your longings to Him. Whether you’ve been hurt deeply in the arena of love or have a success story. Tell Him how the world has fallen short in fulfilling your longings . . . even if you’ve received everything you thought you wanted. These steps towards an authentic and intimate relationship will make us stronger as we grow weaker and make us more beautiful as we age. It is in this paradox that we find true joy.

You see, when you entered a relationship with Jesus Christ, you became His bride. Think of what a bride is like. 

She’s excited. 






You are more delighted in, loved, and desired than you will ever be able to comprehend while in this human body. Those flutters in your heart for someone down here, are merely echoes of what . . . of WHOM you were made for. Hold on to that hope. 

We were made for perfect love. We will not find it anywhere on this earth but in Jesus. The strongest moments of romantic joy or passion you have had in this life are only a trace, an echo, a whisper of what LOVE Himself has for us.

And someday, all longing will vanish when we see him as He is. Here is a glimpse of Whom your heart desires and His heart toward you. 

He has lavished on me all the riches of His grace.  Ephesians 1:8

He listens to me; He hears my cry.  Psalm 145:19

He gives me good and perfect gifts.  James 1:17

He guides me with His counsel.  Psalm 73:24

He protects and rescues me.  Psalm 91

He thinks of me constantly: His thoughts of me outnumber the grains of sand on the sea.  Psalm 139:17–18

He keeps record of all my tears.  Psalm 56:8

He rejoices over me just like a bridegroom rejoices over his bride.  Isaiah 62:5

He created me for a special purpose and designed me to be His wonderful creation. 

Psalm 139:13–14; Jeremiah 1:5; Ephesians 2:10

He delights in me and rejoices over me with singing.  Zephaniah 3:17

He fulfills my desires.  Psalm 145:19; 37:4



Lisa is currently "SAHM-ing." In the past she has been a pastoral counselor, a singer, a music director, and an accountant! She lives in a multi generational home in the Pacific Northwest with her two boys, her amazing husband, and her mother. She is a coffee snob and a health nut who loves to dance like no one is watching. Check her out on Instagram and Facebook!