Raising Pure Kids in an Impure World

By Sabrina Schlesinger

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Well this is a bit of a daunting subject to tackle! And believe me, it feels a bit overwhelming to approach this as I am in the midst of raising teens in a world that is inundated with promiscuity and sexual images around every corner. I am aware that it is at the fingertips of every teen with a phone or computer. But maybe that makes it the reason WHY I should go after this…because I am right here with you in the midst of the battle fighting to protect my kids.

So let’s go for it. Let’s uncover the dirty truth of the world we live in and more importantly how we as parents can set our kids up to win this battle for their purity. This is by no means a guarantee that nothing will go wrong, but at least we can do all that is within our power to shape and guide our children through these crazy days.

Proverbs 24:3 (NIV) says, “It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong.”

Raising pure kids doesn’t happen on accident. Purity happens on purpose. Here are two ways we can be deliberate on this matter:

1. Don’t raise your kids motivated by fear.

If our motive to parent and protect our kids is because we are afraid of what might happen, then our parenting techniques will sound something like the “hide yo kids” sound bite.

Being pure in the 21st century doesn’t happen because of isolation and hiding them from the world. Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are an amazing example of four young men who remained pure and true to their convictions while surrounded by an ungodly culture. They stood when everyone bowed because they had been taught long before that moment what really mattered. They knew WHY there were standing, and more importantly, WHO they were standing for. Their relationship with God was paramount in their decision-making. They had a healthy “fear of the Lord” that guided them and protected them when temptation came their way.

Rather than lead our kids motivated by the “what ifs”, let’s teach them how to have that constant awareness that God is everywhere, and their goal is to honor Him with the decisions they make. I could go on and on as this is just the tip of the iceberg on this subject, but hopefully this will suffice for now.

2. Don’t let your kids figure it out on their own.

This means two things for us:

  • We must establish clear parameters and protection for our kids.

It is our job to INSULATE our kids from the world…notice I did not say ISOLATE. To insulate means to put protective padding around. So by all means, put parental security codes on your TV’s, devices and computers. Set up safeguards and filters in their phone settings. Our kids do not need full access to everything…especially alone in their rooms.  

And this doesn’t mean we don’t trust them. It does mean that we are keenly aware that their brains haven’t fully formed yet and as they are growing and learning about sexuality and trying to harness all of the hormones that are exploding within them, they NEED us to place some reigns on them. Of course, they aren’t going to say this or ask for it…in fact, they will say the opposite, but we are the parents and we know better.

And by the way…don’t expect your kids to walk in sexual purity if you aren’t. And if you are allowing them to spend loads of time with other kids that are promiscuous and have loose moral values, don’t be surprised when they start pushing the envelope of purity in their own lives.

  • We must have the conversation with our kids.

Don’t let sex and purity be a taboo topic in your home, rather pursue them in this conversation. It might be awkward…push through it. It might be shocking to them…push through it. You may have already had the conversation with them…have it again…and again! It needs to be an ongoing conversation.

I wish I would have had someone ask me some specific questions when I was a teenager about what I was dabbling in. I wish someone would have told me that purity is far more than remaining a virgin until you are married. It would have helped to have had people I felt safe to confess my struggles to and help me navigate all the emotions, shame, guilt and hormonal drive I was experiencing. It would have saved me from a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache. Do your kids a favor and have the conversation. They need it more than they know.

The bottom line is, if you don’t have the discussion with them, their school will, their peers will and culture will. They start forming their belief system at a very young age, so be sure to beat them all to it! I determined to be the FIRST VOICE that speaks into the issues of gender identity, sex, God’s design for marriage, pornography and more with my kids. I removed my kids from the public school health education classes they provided in elementary and middle school as part of my strategy in being the main influence and voice over my kids life on this subject.

In the Song of Solomon it says multiple times to not awaken love before it’s proper time. It may not be popular to be the parent that doesn’t allow my kids to experience certain things, but I am parenting with a big picture mindset. I am doing all that I can to build a culture of honor and purity in my home that is stronger than that of the world.

Here are a few GREAT resources that can help you navigate some touchy subjects with your kids:


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Sabrina is a mother to three biological girls and one adopted boy. She is also a pastor’s wife, freelance graphic designer, and mom coach! She resides in beautiful San Diego where the sun shines every day. She prefers chai lattes over coffee, mac-n-cheese over vegetables, and staying in over going out. Check her out on Instagram and Facebook!


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Sabrina Schlesinger

I am officially middle-aged! I have gone up the hill and am now SLOWLY going down the other side.

I am married to my best friend! No really! Our first 10 months of dating were spent entirely in group settings, either working along side each other in ministry or at our families homes. We never had alone time. We never held hands. We never kissed. So we had a great amount of time to talk and really get to know each other. We read books, received counsel from our pastors, discussed our strengths and weaknesses in front of our parents, and built a foundation of friendship that I am forever grateful for. And let me tell you...when we did have our first kiss 10 months in....there were fireworks baby!!!! We are approaching our 17th anniversary and co-pastor Grace Church in Oceanside, CA. We are living out or dream and calling side by side.

I am a mom of 4. We have three girls and a boy.

When we gave birth to my first girl, Sophie (now 16), we thought we were amazing parents. She slept through the night, hardly every fussed, was beautiful and easy. First child syndrome...I know.

When I gave birth to Mattie (now 14) nearly two years later everything changed. She was colicky from the start, she had red raspberries on her face that turned BRIGHT RED when she screamed...so that was all the time, and as she grew, it didn't get any better. I seriously thought at one point she was demon possessed because her outrageous fits where over the top. I could often be found in a fetal position crying when Matthew, my husband came home. Little did I know then that Mattie and her over-the-top fits would be the catalyst for so many future ministry moments with other moms in desperate need of help and advice on raising toddlers...who too were crazy!

We thought we were done. After Mattie I was like, "No way, I can't risk having another kid like that! The only way I will get pregnant again is if God speaks to me directly, and I don't think He is planning that." Welp....I was wrong. I heard God speak to me one night as I was at a conference that we were to have a third child and He spoke some very special promises to me about this child. So out popped Lillian (aka Lily - now 11).

Lily wass one of those babies that everyone gravitated too. She had and still does have a spirit about her that is so welcoming, loving, and kind. People just love her and she loves people. I am so glad I obeyed the Lord on this one. After Lily we felt done. This time Matthew said, "If we are supposed to have any more children, God is going to have to speak to me directly." Fast forward 9 years!

In August of 2016 we were on a much needed family vacation, the five of us. It was at this time that God whispered in the ear of my husband that we were to adopt a child from our county. Matthew told me what God said and of course, I said, "Let's do it!" I will write another post about our adoption story later, but November 1st, 2017, at age 4 1/2, Shawn (now 6) came into our home and became our son.

I am a freelance graphic designer by trade and a pastor by calling, but I felt like there was something more I should be doing. Recently I asked myself a question..."What brings me life?" It was easy for me to answer. I LOVE helping young moms navigate through motherhood. I love giving advice to help moms get through tough and trying seasons of life. There is a generation of moms out there who have broken relationships with their own mothers and feel like they have no one to turn to. That breaks my heart. No mom should have to go through life alone with nobody to lean on. And this is where Mom Mentor was birthed.

So that is me in a nutshell. I am pretty simple, not high maintenance, a lover of mac-and-cheese and chai lattes, and slightly obsessed with all things dystopian. I am glad to have met you and I look forward to our journey together!

Love & Blessings,

Sabrina