Emotionally Preparing for Baby #2

By Sabrina Schlesinger

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She was perfect. She slept through the night, she barely cried, she had big brown eyes and the most fun personality. I was absolutely head over heels in love with my little girl…my only girl. Then we found out we were pregnant with baby #2.

I was excited, of course! I always wanted to have more than one child and we had planned this pregnancy. So I was expecting this baby, but what I didn’t expect was all of the thoughts, worries, and emotions that went into having another child.

My firstborn little girl was so much fun and I LOVED being her mommy. I had never known a love like this. Even though I had heard every mother of more than one child tell me that your love grows, I still couldn’t imagine how on earth I could ever love another child the way I loved her.

The night before my cesarean section, I got in bed with my 21 month old girl and held her while she slept…and I cried. Partly because I worried that I couldn’t love another child the same way I loved her, and partly because I was having to let go of the reality that our perfect little family of three would never be the same again.

After the fact and now a mother of four, it sounds a bit silly, but it was such a big hurdle for me at the time. I wish that someone would have told me what I am about to tell you. So here goes…

 

Here are a few tips to help you emotionally prepare for baby #2:

1.    Give yourself permission to grieve.

I know it sounds weird to say, but in every new season of life, there are exciting things we look forward to and areas in our life we have to leave behind…and it is okay to be sad about it. We aren’t going to camp there forever, but it is also okay to take a moment and mourn what you will be leaving behind. Grieving what you are losing doesn’t mean your aren’t grateful for what is ahead of you. One doesn’t cancel out the other. They are separate emotions and both should be acknowledged and processed. So go ahead and have yourself a big cry.

2.    Give yourself permission to wonder.

Expanding is probably the LAST thing you want to think about at this moment. LOL. You are exhausted physically while you are growing this new little life within you, while running around chasing a toddler who seems to have an endless amount of energy and no regard to your physical state. As you think and dream about the newest addition that will join your family, allow yourself to have wonder about the mystery of it all. The questions you have of how it all works is good for you! It will reveal new facets of the love God has for all of His children. Be in awe of the miracle that takes place in your heart and embrace the unknown of it all. It is part of the process that you will look back on and be so grateful for.

When baby girl #2 arrived…a miracle happened. Just like all those moms before me said it would. I don’t know how it happened, but somehow in the midst of my heart, God expanded my capacity to love another, with the same amount of passion as the first.

3.    Give yourself permission to rest.

Somehow and someway, find some time to rest. I’m not talking about taking a nap, but rather an emotional rest. Take a bath and put on some worship music. Pause before your world changes and reflect on all the blessings you have and all that is to come. Invite the peace of God to come and fill your heart and soul. Lean into His grace and let His comfort wash away all of your worries and fears. Write a note to your firstborn AND your unborn sharing all of the emotions you are having and the dreams you have for them. These are precious moments that we can skip over in the busyness of it all if we aren’t careful. So pause. Breathe it all in and rest before you embrace your newest little adventure.

 

Love + Blessings,

Sabrina


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Sabrina is a mother to three girls and one boy. She is also a pastor’s wife, a freelance graphic designer, and a mom coach! She resides in beautiful San Diego where the sun shines every day. She prefers chai lattes over coffee, mac-n-cheese over vegetables, and staying in over going out. Check her out on Instagram and Facebook!


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Sabrina Schlesinger

I am officially middle-aged! I have gone up the hill and am now SLOWLY going down the other side.

I am married to my best friend! No really! Our first 10 months of dating were spent entirely in group settings, either working along side each other in ministry or at our families homes. We never had alone time. We never held hands. We never kissed. So we had a great amount of time to talk and really get to know each other. We read books, received counsel from our pastors, discussed our strengths and weaknesses in front of our parents, and built a foundation of friendship that I am forever grateful for. And let me tell you...when we did have our first kiss 10 months in....there were fireworks baby!!!! We are approaching our 17th anniversary and co-pastor Grace Church in Oceanside, CA. We are living out or dream and calling side by side.

I am a mom of 4. We have three girls and a boy.

When we gave birth to my first girl, Sophie (now 16), we thought we were amazing parents. She slept through the night, hardly every fussed, was beautiful and easy. First child syndrome...I know.

When I gave birth to Mattie (now 14) nearly two years later everything changed. She was colicky from the start, she had red raspberries on her face that turned BRIGHT RED when she screamed...so that was all the time, and as she grew, it didn't get any better. I seriously thought at one point she was demon possessed because her outrageous fits where over the top. I could often be found in a fetal position crying when Matthew, my husband came home. Little did I know then that Mattie and her over-the-top fits would be the catalyst for so many future ministry moments with other moms in desperate need of help and advice on raising toddlers...who too were crazy!

We thought we were done. After Mattie I was like, "No way, I can't risk having another kid like that! The only way I will get pregnant again is if God speaks to me directly, and I don't think He is planning that." Welp....I was wrong. I heard God speak to me one night as I was at a conference that we were to have a third child and He spoke some very special promises to me about this child. So out popped Lillian (aka Lily - now 11).

Lily wass one of those babies that everyone gravitated too. She had and still does have a spirit about her that is so welcoming, loving, and kind. People just love her and she loves people. I am so glad I obeyed the Lord on this one. After Lily we felt done. This time Matthew said, "If we are supposed to have any more children, God is going to have to speak to me directly." Fast forward 9 years!

In August of 2016 we were on a much needed family vacation, the five of us. It was at this time that God whispered in the ear of my husband that we were to adopt a child from our county. Matthew told me what God said and of course, I said, "Let's do it!" I will write another post about our adoption story later, but November 1st, 2017, at age 4 1/2, Shawn (now 6) came into our home and became our son.

I am a freelance graphic designer by trade and a pastor by calling, but I felt like there was something more I should be doing. Recently I asked myself a question..."What brings me life?" It was easy for me to answer. I LOVE helping young moms navigate through motherhood. I love giving advice to help moms get through tough and trying seasons of life. There is a generation of moms out there who have broken relationships with their own mothers and feel like they have no one to turn to. That breaks my heart. No mom should have to go through life alone with nobody to lean on. And this is where Mom Mentor was birthed.

So that is me in a nutshell. I am pretty simple, not high maintenance, a lover of mac-and-cheese and chai lattes, and slightly obsessed with all things dystopian. I am glad to have met you and I look forward to our journey together!

Love & Blessings,

Sabrina