By Alex Green
“God is our refugeand strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
Though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.” (Psalms 46: 1-3, 5)
An unexpected tragedy knocked on the door of my life early December. It left heart break and devastation on the front porch, wrapped in a ‘not-so-glamorous’ bow of questions and statements that sounded like, “How did this happen? This doesn’t make sense.” What I thought was going to be a joyful season in my family’s life, turned out to be one of mourning and loss; as for me, the loss of our baby through miscarriage put me in a state of grief that had shame and guilt associated with it.
The miscarriage of what would have been our second child is still one that is sensitive and hard to discuss, but it’s one I feel is important to talk about. It gets easier over time to finally say, “I had a miscarriage” without breaking down in tears, but what doesn’t get easier, is openly talking about what it did to you. No one talks about the emotional traumatic aftermath of what a woman has to walk through after the loss of her baby, and the horrible lies the enemy whispers in her ears during her most vulnerable state. I lost our child at 6 weeks and the enemy relentlessly tried to shame me into believing such terrible lies about myself and about God. The grief and the shame was so overwhelming that I began to do what I knew I shouldn’t be doing; isolating myself. Lysa TerKeurst wrote a powerful truth, “If the enemy can isolate you, he can influence you.” It was when I read those words I knew I had to bring my pain and grief to light, because what’s left in the dark cannot be healed, only what is brought out into the light do you expose the lies of the enemy. God can use your brokenness for redemption and hope. Sweet sister, your story might not look identical to mine, but it is still equally important and God wants to use it.
In a perfect world, there would be no miscarriages, but the sad reality is, we don’t live in a perfect world. Every woman who loses a baby before its life could truly begin gets pushed into a statistic. The babies who died aren’t even referred to as a baby, but a fetus. For me, it was a wad of cells and flesh. For others it’s a bag of bones that are carried off to be disposed of. In this upside down world, women are handed off discharge papers and a list of healing treatments for the official release to resume back to “normal” life.
What once felt normal, now felt so unfamiliar
Everything around me seemed to be crashing down and I was at a numbing standstill.
All I could hear were the lies of the enemy.
All I could feel was the weight of guilt and shame.
Isn’t it crazy that I, (you) didn’t do anything wrong. The miscarriage wasn’t anyone’s fault, but yet you can feel the weight of guilt and shame over something that was never asked for. That’s because of another hard reality…we have a very real enemy who hates us and who is after our soul. Satan hates God’s children so much that he will use the devastation of a miscarriage to distort the image of God and deceive women into believing they are powerless in the midst of grief and pain.
I wish I could personally hold each of your hands and look every one of you in the eyes and tell you gently, but firmly, “You are not powerless. You are a daughter of the King, who is incredibly powerful.”
Believe it or not, the enemy is the one who is powerless and he knows it, but that doesn’t stop him from coming to relentlessly steal, kill, and destroy. (John 10:10) In the context of losing a child, Satan will use pain and grief to trick our minds into believing God is not for us. That somehow, God allowed a miscarriage to punish us or to teach us a lesson. That is the enemy’s way of trying to steal your faith, kill your hope in God, and destroy your soul. But rest assured, my Bible says, “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!” (Psalm 34:8) God is a good Father, who only wants good for you. Don’t let the enemy deceive you into believing that God is anything but a loving Father. In the book of James it declares, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17) Did you catch that? Your baby wasn’t a wad of cells and flesh, or a bag of bones, but a perfect gift. The baby that you lost too soon wasn’t disposed of and categorized into a statistic, but it was sent into the heavenly lights to be with Jesus.
The next time the enemy whispers lies of:
Your womb is broken
Your baby served no purpose
You are stupid for telling people too soon
Stop trying, it will never happen for you
There’s something wrong with you
It was your fault
This one is going to die too
Girlfriend, get up, wipe those tears, put your game face on and remember that you are powerful, fierce, strong, beautiful, whole, motherly, worthy, and fearless. There is a God who has given you hope as a birthright and that hope cannot be shaken because it is in the foundation of Jesus Christ. God has given you peace that surpasses all understanding and it allows you to put your foot on the enemy’s throat.
Lastly, He has given you the gift of love. God loves you so much, that He allowed you to feel the love of a child you never met and the assurance to know that you will face your son or daughter in Heaven one day.
Don’t let the enemy hold you down with fear and distort the image of God, but allow Jesus to enter into the brokenness and pain of your heart. There is healing and freedom in the name of Jesus. He is the one who can take the ashes of your story and turn it into a beautiful testimony of hope and deliverance. I’m on my way to healing and I’m praying you are too.
Alex is a stay at home mom to one young daughter, while pursuing a bachelor's degree in Christian Ministry. Her passions are, helping women unlock their God given potential and roles in their marriages, children and extended family. Oh, and coffee, coffee, coffee! She resides in Kansas City, MO. Check her out on Instagram and Facebook!