Mom Envy: The Struggle Is Real

By Sabrina Schlesinger

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Have you been there? You are scrolling through your feed and you see posts from THAT mom. You know the one…the one who has every hair on her head in place, is a size 2, wears the cutest clothes, and her kids are always picture perfect. And we stop and gaze. The gaze may start at admiration, but for many of us it turns into assumptions and judgments as to what kind of life she lives.

 

It’s embarrassing to admit, isn’t it? But if we were honest with ourselves, most of us have fallen prey to the ugly green giant called ENVY.

 

Here is why it’s so dangerous. Comparison causes us to lose the joy of the season we are in. It literally sucks the life out of us, leaving us feeling less than, not enough, and insecure.

 

So why do we do it? Why as moms do we struggle?

 

Here are two reasons why I think we compare and how we can stop the madness:

 

1.    We assume the wrong things.

 

We all want to show ourselves in the best light. So we snap 100 photos and we pick the top one! And I am not saying we shouldn’t…go for it!!! But the trap we can find ourselves in as we look at another person’s snapshots is we conclude that THAT is the sum total of their life.

 

We aren’t seeing the actual “I woke up like this” photo when their breath is nasty and hair is crazy. We aren’t seeing their kids’ meltdown photos (and probably shouldn’t as to not embarrass them), or the ugly times in their lives where they are throwing adult tantrums. We aren’t seeing the fights with their spouse or their financial struggles. Why?

 

Because it is their highlight reel!

 

And I know you know this, but we can all use this reminder. Even the strongest among us can easily find ourselves stuck in the comparison trap we didn’t even see it coming.

 

So remember next time you are looking at the woman who appears to have it all put together…they too are a little crazy just like you. J

 

 

2.    We compare the wrong things.

 

I see this all of the time. I see young couples struggling financially, wanting to have the nice house or the nice car or the picture perfect décor. And I see them go into unnecessary debt because of it! I see them trying to keep up with the Jones’ without taking into account that the Jones’ once started with small beginnings.

 

The Jones’ had mismatched, second-hand furniture. They had nights of eating Top Ramen because money was tight. They lived it that tiny apartment with noisy neighbors. They skipped nights out on the town with friends or vacations because it wasn’t in their budget.

 

We didn’t see when the Jones’ took on extra jobs to make ends meet. We didn’t see the sacrifices they made privately so they could be where they are at today. Sometimes we are comparing ourselves to a season we just are not in yet and it is killing us.

 

Is comparison killing your marriage because of the financial pressure you are placing on it to remain that social butterfly? Is it stressing out your kids as they feel the pressure to live up to unrealistic expectations that have been placed upon them? Is it killing your confidence as you attempt to measure up to a standard that was never meant for you? Are you missing out on innumerable blessings and life lessons God wants to give to you in your season?

 

Stop! Get off this train that is headed to destruction. It promises so much but delivers you insecurity.

 

Embrace the season you are in! Accept that your life will have mountains and valleys. Make peace with your financial limits and live within your means. Work hard, yes, but don’t sacrifice your identity and family on the altar of keeping up with the Kardashians!

 

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When you cultivate a heart of gratefulness for what you have and the season of life you are in, there will be a river of contentment that will produce beauty, peace, tranquility and refreshing to you and all those around you.

 

Love + Blessings,

Sabrina


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Sabrina is a mother to three girls and one boy. She is a also a pastors wife, freelance graphic designer and mom coach! She resides in beautiful San Diego where the sun shines every day. She prefers chai lattes over coffee, mac-&-cheese over vegetables and staying in over going out. Check her out on Instagram and Facebook!

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Sabrina Schlesinger

I am officially middle-aged! I have gone up the hill and am now SLOWLY going down the other side.

I am married to my best friend! No really! Our first 10 months of dating were spent entirely in group settings, either working along side each other in ministry or at our families homes. We never had alone time. We never held hands. We never kissed. So we had a great amount of time to talk and really get to know each other. We read books, received counsel from our pastors, discussed our strengths and weaknesses in front of our parents, and built a foundation of friendship that I am forever grateful for. And let me tell you...when we did have our first kiss 10 months in....there were fireworks baby!!!! We are approaching our 17th anniversary and co-pastor Grace Church in Oceanside, CA. We are living out or dream and calling side by side.

I am a mom of 4. We have three girls and a boy.

When we gave birth to my first girl, Sophie (now 16), we thought we were amazing parents. She slept through the night, hardly every fussed, was beautiful and easy. First child syndrome...I know.

When I gave birth to Mattie (now 14) nearly two years later everything changed. She was colicky from the start, she had red raspberries on her face that turned BRIGHT RED when she screamed...so that was all the time, and as she grew, it didn't get any better. I seriously thought at one point she was demon possessed because her outrageous fits where over the top. I could often be found in a fetal position crying when Matthew, my husband came home. Little did I know then that Mattie and her over-the-top fits would be the catalyst for so many future ministry moments with other moms in desperate need of help and advice on raising toddlers...who too were crazy!

We thought we were done. After Mattie I was like, "No way, I can't risk having another kid like that! The only way I will get pregnant again is if God speaks to me directly, and I don't think He is planning that." Welp....I was wrong. I heard God speak to me one night as I was at a conference that we were to have a third child and He spoke some very special promises to me about this child. So out popped Lillian (aka Lily - now 11).

Lily wass one of those babies that everyone gravitated too. She had and still does have a spirit about her that is so welcoming, loving, and kind. People just love her and she loves people. I am so glad I obeyed the Lord on this one. After Lily we felt done. This time Matthew said, "If we are supposed to have any more children, God is going to have to speak to me directly." Fast forward 9 years!

In August of 2016 we were on a much needed family vacation, the five of us. It was at this time that God whispered in the ear of my husband that we were to adopt a child from our county. Matthew told me what God said and of course, I said, "Let's do it!" I will write another post about our adoption story later, but November 1st, 2017, at age 4 1/2, Shawn (now 6) came into our home and became our son.

I am a freelance graphic designer by trade and a pastor by calling, but I felt like there was something more I should be doing. Recently I asked myself a question..."What brings me life?" It was easy for me to answer. I LOVE helping young moms navigate through motherhood. I love giving advice to help moms get through tough and trying seasons of life. There is a generation of moms out there who have broken relationships with their own mothers and feel like they have no one to turn to. That breaks my heart. No mom should have to go through life alone with nobody to lean on. And this is where Mom Mentor was birthed.

So that is me in a nutshell. I am pretty simple, not high maintenance, a lover of mac-and-cheese and chai lattes, and slightly obsessed with all things dystopian. I am glad to have met you and I look forward to our journey together!

Love & Blessings,

Sabrina