I'm Not Your BFF

By Sabrina Schlesinger

This is an unpopular statement...I know! And I may get backlash on it, but hear me out.

When my kids were little, they called me their best friend, and it was super cute and sweet. And my hopes and dreams are when they are older, they will say I am one of their best friends.

BUUUUT right now, when they are teens and pre-teens, what they need most from me is not a best friend, they need a mom! They need a mom who cares more about their future and safety than their approval. A mom who can handle rejection because my identity isn't found in the BFF title.

They are growing, learning, discovering, and their brains are STILL developing (although they often think they know better). They don't realize it yet, and most likely won't be able to verbalize thanks for a number of years, but they don't need me to be what everyone else can be to them, which is a friend!

I am their only mom and my role in their life is unique and one-of-a-kind. 

But if we are honest, sometimes we can struggle with being an authority in our kids' lives. We WANT to be liked and accepted, especially from our kids. We hear our kids talk about their friends' mom and how "cool" and fun she is, and if we aren’t careful, this can cause us to make decisions for our kids based on comparison and insecurities, rather than what is truly in the best interest of our kids. Rejection is never easy, but if you are being a great mom, it is most likely to happen on more than one occasion. You will be rejected by your kids.

I remember when I was in middle school, I was invited to the park with two of my girlfriends. Some boys were going to be there who were much older. I honestly didn't see any harm in it, especially since I wasn't attracted to any of the guys. When my dad said, "no," you would have thought that he  had cut my right arm off by the amount of screaming I did. I threw a ridiculous fit. I yelled at him, screamed at him, and probably said things to him that are unrepeatable, but my dad stayed firm in his decision. He didn't budge because he saw some things that I could not and would not see at that age. My adolescent brain was incapable of seeing beyond my wants and desires. I should probably call my dad up and thank him for sticking to his guns. I am so glad he didn't succumb to my tantrum because he was so needy for my approval. Dad, if you are reading this...thanks! I take back every mean thing I said...you made the right decision and I am so glad you did.

I cherish moments my kids and I get to hang out as friends and laugh...but I am always aware that at any moment I may have to wear the mom hat and they may not like it. I have come to terms with the fact that it is OK to not be liked or popular! I also know teens are fickle and can turn on a dime with their emotions. I may be enemy #1 today, but tomorrow I can be Supermom! I will relish the moments they appreciate me. 

Be sure to not relinquish your most precious role in your kiddos lives...a.k.a MOM.


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Sabrina is a mother to three biological girls and one adopted boy. She is a pastor’s wife, graphic designer, founder of Mom Mentor and the Parenting on the Go Podcast! She resides in beautiful San Diego where the sun shines every day. She prefers chai lattes over coffee, mac-n-cheese over vegetables, and staying in over going out. Check her out on Instagram and Facebook!


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Sabrina Schlesinger

I am officially middle-aged! I have gone up the hill and am now SLOWLY going down the other side.

I am married to my best friend! No really! Our first 10 months of dating were spent entirely in group settings, either working along side each other in ministry or at our families homes. We never had alone time. We never held hands. We never kissed. So we had a great amount of time to talk and really get to know each other. We read books, received counsel from our pastors, discussed our strengths and weaknesses in front of our parents, and built a foundation of friendship that I am forever grateful for. And let me tell you...when we did have our first kiss 10 months in....there were fireworks baby!!!! We are approaching our 17th anniversary and co-pastor Grace Church in Oceanside, CA. We are living out or dream and calling side by side.

I am a mom of 4. We have three girls and a boy.

When we gave birth to my first girl, Sophie (now 16), we thought we were amazing parents. She slept through the night, hardly every fussed, was beautiful and easy. First child syndrome...I know.

When I gave birth to Mattie (now 14) nearly two years later everything changed. She was colicky from the start, she had red raspberries on her face that turned BRIGHT RED when she screamed...so that was all the time, and as she grew, it didn't get any better. I seriously thought at one point she was demon possessed because her outrageous fits where over the top. I could often be found in a fetal position crying when Matthew, my husband came home. Little did I know then that Mattie and her over-the-top fits would be the catalyst for so many future ministry moments with other moms in desperate need of help and advice on raising toddlers...who too were crazy!

We thought we were done. After Mattie I was like, "No way, I can't risk having another kid like that! The only way I will get pregnant again is if God speaks to me directly, and I don't think He is planning that." Welp....I was wrong. I heard God speak to me one night as I was at a conference that we were to have a third child and He spoke some very special promises to me about this child. So out popped Lillian (aka Lily - now 11).

Lily wass one of those babies that everyone gravitated too. She had and still does have a spirit about her that is so welcoming, loving, and kind. People just love her and she loves people. I am so glad I obeyed the Lord on this one. After Lily we felt done. This time Matthew said, "If we are supposed to have any more children, God is going to have to speak to me directly." Fast forward 9 years!

In August of 2016 we were on a much needed family vacation, the five of us. It was at this time that God whispered in the ear of my husband that we were to adopt a child from our county. Matthew told me what God said and of course, I said, "Let's do it!" I will write another post about our adoption story later, but November 1st, 2017, at age 4 1/2, Shawn (now 6) came into our home and became our son.

I am a freelance graphic designer by trade and a pastor by calling, but I felt like there was something more I should be doing. Recently I asked myself a question..."What brings me life?" It was easy for me to answer. I LOVE helping young moms navigate through motherhood. I love giving advice to help moms get through tough and trying seasons of life. There is a generation of moms out there who have broken relationships with their own mothers and feel like they have no one to turn to. That breaks my heart. No mom should have to go through life alone with nobody to lean on. And this is where Mom Mentor was birthed.

So that is me in a nutshell. I am pretty simple, not high maintenance, a lover of mac-and-cheese and chai lattes, and slightly obsessed with all things dystopian. I am glad to have met you and I look forward to our journey together!

Love & Blessings,

Sabrina