By Dede Ewing
My act of abortion came with the agonizing attachment and affliction of guilt, shame, and regret. However, I have found atonement with God, my Father, through Jesus; and the weight, stain and messiness of the abortion has proven not to be greater than His faithful forgiveness. He is filled with compassion and is touched by my infirmities.
“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15
I struggled a long time with the secret of my abortion. Keeping silent was unhealthy, unbearable and the stress of staying quiet was ubiquitous. As many other sins, abortion took me further away from God, and while He never left me nor forsook me, it was I who moved my position in Christ. It was as if I was Eve in the Garden of Eden trying to cover myself with fig leaves and hide my past and pain. I was a prisoner of deeply rooted depression, disdain, and disrespect towards myself, and it was those feelings which drove me to the feet and the arms of my Savior. He was the only one that I could confess my mistake to. He was there with open arms to remind me that the shed blood of Jesus covered my abortion and it saved me and my unborn child from eternal death.
After I confessed my sin, acknowledged my wrong, and that He died on the cross so that we could have everlasting life, I repented and was able to receive His unfailing forgiveness. However, the road to forgiving myself has proven to be an emotional and mental challenge. And while He has restored my joy and hope, there are times when I think about how my life would’ve been should I chose differently. When I’m feeling down and want to condemn myself, I find consolation, comfort, and compassion in the Word of God, the Bible. I’m reminded that:
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus…” Romans 8:1
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?...For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:35-39
God was there to catch me when I fell and I am still becoming a woman after God’s own heart in the aftermath of abortion. If you have had an abortion, please know that our loving Father is there to forgive you, restore you, and heal you if you just ask. He will give you His peace and comfort your heart. You are never alone and I am praying for you. Remember to forgive yourself.
“Ask, and it shall be given you, seek, and ye shall find, knock, and it shall be opened unto you; for, every one that asks receives; and he that seeks finds; and to him that knocks it shall be open.” Matthew 7:7-8
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
“Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
“And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”
In the process of restoring my life, God sealed His forgiveness by giving me a husband, two daughters through marriage, and the natural birth of our son years after the abortion. I was fearful and didn’t think that I would be able to have children. A part of me felt like God would punish me for what I did; but He is so faithful to forgive and His love covers a multitude of sin. He showed me who I am and blessed me still. He showed me that I was created a woman, formed to be a help meet, and shaped to bear children. It has always been His plan for us to live Godly lives and multiply. When we know who He is and who we are in Him, we understand that no matter the circumstances, He will provide, protect, and reveal His plan for any and all pregnancies - planned or unplanned.
Dede Ewing is the proud wife to her amazing husband, John. They reside in beautiful Cedar Hill, TX and share in a loving blended family of three incredible children (2 daughters and 1 son): India (21), Essences (19), John II (8), and 1 dog named Bella. She enjoys coffee anytime of the day, eyeliner with a great mascara, little league sports, travel, good food, and great fellowship.Check her out on Instagram and Facebook.